i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
