I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
