Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Randomize
