I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize