worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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