the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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