i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
