Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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