i think my tv is drunk
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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