it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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