Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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