you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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