Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize