I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
