I'm going to jail i love you
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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