Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
