Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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