your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
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