So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
