u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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