somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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