why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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