i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
