I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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