WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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