I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I understand Curling. That high.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
