he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
