Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize