I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
