Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
