He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
