pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
