How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
