I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
