tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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