You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
