my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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