He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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