It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
