I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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