Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
