I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
