Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
