Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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