If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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