I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Randomize
