I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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