Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I just had sex on a roof
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
