My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
