your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
420 ftw
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
