My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
