I'm so fucking centered right now
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
