i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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