You really coming over, don't trick.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
