Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
