My sheets look like a crime scene.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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