I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Pants are for mortals
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
