i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Just pee around me
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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