i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
